//
This story is completed
But as much as he'd like to ignore it, he knows that politics will always exist, despite how many bombs you might throw at it. Not everyone can be as authentic as John would like, so he sighs, forces his shorter, but still spiky hair down beneath his hat, straightens his tie and walks out of his quarters, ignoring the stares he's getting, the quiet whispers of people wondering who died.
Ronon joins him when he passes by the gym, somehow preternaturally aware of John's movements, even more so these days. He's wearing his long leather coat and some sort of headpiece that looks like he had to rob a gay pirate to get a hold of. John raises his eyebrows in question.
"You sure you don't want me to come along, Sheppard?" Ronon has problems trusting people, especially when they have big guns.
John smiles, thankful for the thought. "It's okay, big guy. I don't want to be rude."
Ronon snorts. "Your life is worth being rude."
"He wouldn't hurt me," John says, patting Ronon on the shoulder. "They know that you'll come get them if they do."
Ronon shrugs. "Suit yourself, Sheppard." John isn't really sure about Ronon. Even after the strike force recovered him from Sateda, the man didn't say a word. He never argues with John, which would be great, if it weren't kind of creepy.
"Thanks, though." John smiles, walking down into the Gateroom where Elizabeth and Teyla are both waiting.
"You look very handsome, John," Teyla remarks, reaching forward to touch her forehead to his. "Good luck."
John nods.
Elizabeth fusses with his collar, even though the both know it's already straight. "Please remember to ask about a botany working group. I know the two of you would rather talk about the best way to blow things up, but we do need to find a more tropical alternative to the mainland."
"Wouldn't want to go without this year's crop of pineapples."
Elizabeth rolls her eyes, clearly exasperated. "I should be going with you."
John winces. It's not that he wouldn't welcome Elizabeth's help with the political stuff, or with the small talk. It's just that she's not family. "Next time I'll try harder to get you an invite."
She nods, walking with him towards the now-open wormhole, only stopping when Radek comes flying into Stargate ops, hair and glasses askew as usual.
"Please tell me you don't want to come along too?" John asked.
Radek snorted. "Please, Colonel, is dinner party. What would I do?"
"Probably drink a few people under the table and tell some very depressing stories about your childhood."
Radek looks like he's about to object, then shrugs, tossing something down off the balcony and into John's hands.
A radiation badge. "Thanks. I almost forgot." He left his where he always keeps it, in the pocket of his field pants. Though this one is a little thicker. John flips it over just enough to see a packet of condoms taped to the bottom. When John looks back up at Radek, the man is looking away, purposefully oblivious.
When it's clear that Radek isn't going to turn back anytime soon, John makes for the Gate. "Well, I'll see you guys later," he says awkwardly.
"No nuclear weapons this time!" Elizabeth shouts after him.
"You spoil all my fun," John replies, stepping through.
In a second he's striding out into high fields of wheat waving with a gentle breeze, the sun already a patch of warm heat on his shoulders.
"I was beginning to worry about you, Sheppard," Kolya smiles, stepping up onto the dais to guide John down the steps, arm warm on the small of John's back, even through the thick cloth of both their dress uniforms. "Blue's your color," he whispers, deep and throaty, in John's ear.
John ignores the sudden heat tingling down his spine. "Don't start something you can't finish, Acastus," he jokes. He really doesn't want to sit down at Cowen's table with a hard on.
Kolya grins, squeezing John's shoulder. "Later, then."
"Later."
John first meets Acastus Kolya deep in the basement of a one of the Genii bunkers. He can still smell the hint of rust and mildew in the air when he thinks about it. Kolya is standing in front of a schematic of the hive ship they are about to raid and the first words John will remember him saying are these: "We will have to leave people behind."
A part of John rallies instantly against it, of course, but then he looks at the sad line of Kolya's mouth, the slight sheen across the determination in his eyes and nods his head. Who are they kidding? The schematic shows vast sections for storing human ‘food;' even if they knew how to release them from the cocoons, there's no way to save them all.
One side of Kolya's mouth is turned up in amusement, staring at John from across the table. John wishes his collar wasn't so tight. He wants to loosen it, hand gripping his silverware tight as he feels Kolya's hand trail up his thigh, squeezing just when John's taking a bite of a well-prepared tava-bean surprise.
"Colonel Sheppard," Cowen says, nodding in John's direction. "You have something you would like to add?"
John feels himself flush, dining here with the Genii heads of state and their other allies – the Minarians, the Olesians, the Tol. Somehow it's always Kolya's people that find the friendly technologically advanced societies. John's team gets volcanoes and women hell-bent on harvesting his DNA.
"Um . . ." John wasn't exactly paying attention. Kolya smirks but doesn't step in to help him out.
"Please, John, do not be shy," Leader Negal prompts, her smile a bright flash of white against her ebony skin, just as luminescent as the high silver choker he's never seen leave her neck.
"I was just going to comment on the . . . lovely tava bean . . . er . . . stuff."
Cowen laughs at that, deep and hearty. "I would've loved to have you at a harvest ceremony, Colonel. Those there are traneel eggs."
The rest of the dinner guests laugh along with him. John grins sheepishly, kicking Kolya under the table. Kolya's eyes go hard for a moment as he moves his hand firmly into John's lap. The man is insatiable.
John glares at him, but turns back to Cowen when he finishes laughing and proclaims. "Though we can't doubt the man heading the strike forces that have taken out how many hive ships is it now, Sheppard?"
John ducks his head, embarrassed at being the center of attention. "Twenty-seven."
"You and Commander Kolya certainly work well together. Don't you?" Cowen acknowledges, though there's something a little hungry in his grin.
John straightens, feeling Kolya tense beside him. Elizabeth doesn't care that they're fucking, only that he use it to the advantage of the alliance. He hadn't been expecting condemnation from Cowen. But years under ‘Don't Ask, Don't Tell' have certainly taught John to say what needs to be said and do what needs to be done. "Commander Kolya is an excellent strategist, Sir. He really is a pleasure to work with." Pleasure certainly has a lot to do with it.
"And don't forget the successful testing of your retrovirus, Colonel. Your scientists truly are a marvel," Magistrate Trenan remarks, raising his glass. "We are experiencing great success with them on our re-education colony."
John nods at him politely. The Magistrate of Olesia still creeps him out, though he can't say why.
The dinner continues, seeming to drag on like every single dinner party his parents had ever thrown. Slightly admonished by Cowen's words, Kolya restrains his beneath the table activities to one or two possessive thigh-grabs when he thinks that John is smiling a little to flirtatiously at any of the given dignitaries.
John mostly contents himself with making small talk with Marionetta over Kolya's head. She has short blonde hair and startling blue eyes, though there are wrinkles starting to deepen on her otherwise youthful face – crow's feet and laugh lines that make her more appealing instead of less. She would remind him of Sam Carter, if that wasn't just a little too creepy. Kolya would never marry someone like Sam.
John finds that he's actually enjoying himself until the parties stand to go. Marionetta takes John's hand and leads him out the door, leaving Kolya alone in the room with Cowen.
John winces at the low shouts as they filter out into the hallway. "You've done your duty to society, Acastus, so I can't fault you. But you've let him get too close! We live by the thread of our secrecy and yet you seem to have forgotten this. All of these people . . . these allies, how much do you really know about them, Commander?"
"I trust Sheppard," Kolya remarks in a low gravely voice. John can see the rebellious sneer on his lips now. "He's an honorable man. Or is honor no longer something that concerns the Genii?"
Marionetta is looking at him with a far too innocent expression for a woman who knows what she does. Underground bunkers and war sacrifices and all. She smiles, reaching out to clasp his shoulder.
"Don't worry, John. Acastus will continue to keep you."
John grits his teeth. Unlike Marionetta, he isn't kept. Regardless of how much of the trust of the Genii hinges on Kolya's trust, John knows that their relationship isn't about that.
It isn't much longer before Kolya steps out of the dining room, looking angry, but not panicked.
"What happened?" John asks. He knows that even though they might keep the secrets of their respective states, they don't keep secrets about their relationship.
Kolya shakes his head, cupping John's cheek. "Don't worry about it. Cowen isn't a trusting man."
"It's not because I'm a . . ."
Kolya laughs. "I have five children, Sheppard. I've done my duty to society. It is no more Cowen's right than it is to discuss how I pleasure my wife."
Beside them, Marionetta chuckles. "I hope you never discuss that, Acastus."
Kolya smiles. "I doubt Cowen could handle that information."
Marionetta returns the smile. John is still captivated by the dynamic between them. When he found out that Kolya had a wife he had felt so guilty. It hadn't been the first time he'd slept with a married man, but after the first time, he'd sworn that he'd never do it again.
And now, paradoxically, they're all friends. Population pressures of the Wraith change things, apparently. Dr. Corrigan explained it once.
"Marionetta, John and I are going to stay here tonight so I can send him through the ring in the morning."
Marionetta nods. "I'd best be getting back now - Milia is looking after Mateus and Kindryl. I don't want to keep her up. You boys have fun."
Kolya kisses her on the cheek. "What would I do without you?"
Marionetta shrugs. "Take good care of him, John," she says, squeezing his shoulder before turning and walking down the labyrinthine corridors towards the surface.
"Are you sure . . ."
Kolya laughs again, drawing John forward for a lingering kiss. "She does not mind, Sheppard. For the last time, our ways are not yours." He pulls John closer, a possessive hand snaking down to grab his ass.
"Mmmphf," John yanks himself away, panting, but self-conscious. "Hey, I don't think this is really . . ."
Kolya just smirks, pulling John by the hand off down the corridor. "You worry too much, Sheppard."
It was only a few hallways before they were tumbling through a grungy metal door and onto a Spartan bed. Kolya pulls at the buttons of John's dress uniform with a practiced ease, pressing him down into the scratchy material of the blanket. John groans, frustrated by the stiff cloth of his dress uniform.
Kolya moans into his neck, his hips trusting forward against John's own hardness. John lets his legs fall open, panting and gasping. "God damnit, Kolya! Move."
He can feel Kolya grinning against his neck, even as he pulls John's hands up above his head. "Not so fast, Sheppard."
"Fuck you," John groans, making a half-hearted attempt to struggle, only exciting them both more.
"That's the idea." Kolya bites down on John's neck, hard enough to leave a mark. John doesn't care, wanting more contact, needing it so badly that he lets out a choked-off growl, arching up into Kolya.
Kolya is laughing now, deep and throaty as he leans forward, clamping something tight and metal against John's wrist. John struggles some more, huffing out his frustration. "Bastard." He glares at Kolya, whose chuckles have subsided into that intense seriousness that John knows well from battle.
"You remember your ‘safe word?'" It had been an alien concept to Kolya at first, but the one time John really did get uncomfortable, he stopped immediately, undoing the restraints and pulling John into a quick embrace, stroking him until he calmed.
"Freddy Krueger," John replies, reminding Kolya as much as himself.
Kolya grins, pinching one of John's nipples through his half-unbuttoned dress shirt. "You're a strange one, Sheppard."
John smiles back, "You know you love it."
"I do," Kolya affirms. His eyes are clouded in the windowless dark of the room, but they sparkle too. With Kolya, lust is a sparkle.
Kolya nips, he blows, he kisses, and John can't seem to decide whether or not to pull away from the torturous agony of it or lean into it. He's biting his lip by the time Kolya makes it down to his belly button, hands skimming restlessly over the zipper of John's pants but not releasing him. "What do you want, Colonel?"
"You bastard!" John lets his head fall back against the mattress. He's not going to beg, though. "Fuck!"
Kolya smiles, his hand trailing up John's inner thigh, rubbing the smooth cotton of his dress pants towards his groin, like the breeze. "In good time, John. In good time."
John growls, trying to hook Kolya with one of his legs.
"You're not behaving," Kolya remarks, slapping John's thigh hard enough so it stings.
John groans.
"You like that?"
The bastard already knows John does. But that doesn't mean he's not going to make John say it.
Another slap. "I said, ‘do you like it?'"
John shakes his head erratically. His muscles are trembling. He wants it so badly. He'd thrust up, except Kolya is careful to provide him nothing to thrust against.
"Liar," Kolya whispers, leaning down and nipping at John through the cloth of his pants, his mouth a moist pressure against John's cock. "Do you want me to fuck you?"
John nods. God, he needs it.
"Do you want to be my whore?"
John's head shoots up at that. "No." His voice is firm. No, that's not who he is. He's not . . . he's more than just a pretty face.
Kolya nods, contrite. Leaning up to kiss along John's collarbone, then up his neck to claim John's mouth in a tender kiss. "Do you want to stop?"
John shakes his head, his eyes shut, just taking everything in, the musky scent of sex mixed in with mold, the flicker of the lights, the firm pressure of Kolya on top of him, trying not to go back to that place. No, he's here now, and this is Acastus. "No," he whispers. "I trust you."
"Good," Kolya grins and before John knows it, there's a flash and he's staring at the thin silver blade of a knife.
John's eyes widen. "Acastus?"
"You know how to end this."
John nods. He knows. The sick thrill of fear runs up his spine. The things Kolya could do to him. Except he won't.
The blade glides over the thick mat of hair on John's chest, maybe shaving some, but mostly leaving a tingling heat in its wake. "Jesus," he moans, wanting to turn his head into his arm and bite down to keep himself from begging, but at the same time he's transfixed by the glimmer of the knife in the darkness, like a fish flashing silver as it glides away.
John tries not to writhe, but the sensation is overwhelming. He whimpers as Kolya pulls his pants down, letting the knife smooth over the hairs on his inner thighs. John doesn't want it anywhere near his cock, so he looks away.
"I could cut you," Kolya remarks, almost casually. Only his eyes belie the true intensity of the moment. "I could spread you open right now."
John gulps as the knife comes up to his throat. "Don't move," Kolya commands. "I could hurt you."
‘You wouldn't,' John wants to say, but the blade is a pinch against the jugular. He's afraid to talk or shake his head or to move at all.
"I'll only do it if you ask me to," Kolya whispers. "Only if you want me to mark you."
Kolya's seen the scars John keeps hidden beneath the black wristband. He's seen the small line of cuts on John's inner thigh. He walked in on John taking the straight razor to himself for the first time since Afghanistan. The pain is grounding, liberating in a way he can't explain. Or maybe he doesn't want to explain it.
"Do it," John murmurs, even though a part of him cringes and giving up control so completely.
Kolya smiles, bringing the knife up above John's head to the juncture of his elbow. There's a look on his face that John can't read. He just knows that it's serious. Maybe he's okay with that.
The first time John and Kolya fuck is after the siege of Atlantis. John is still coming off the adrenaline high of almost pulling a kamikaze against one of the hive ships and Kolya is beaten and bruised from fighting Ford on his enzyme-crazed run towards the Gate.
It isn't pretty or particularly meaningful. They're both soldiers, isolated by command and propriety, but they're also just men, riding the waves of adrenaline and ‘oh, god, we're still alive.' It probably wouldn't have happened at all if John wasn't housing Kolya in his quarters.
The thing about it is that even if it isn't beautiful, it's just so easy.
"Do you know what a Bridging is?" Kolya asks. He's careful wrapping a single bandage around the cuts on John's arm, having already taped his thigh and his shoulder.
John tries not to stiffen. Yes, he knows. Dr. Lindsay gave a presentation on Pegasus customs and how they reflected the constant threat of the Wraith. John had paid attention during the Genii portion – they were Atlantis' biggest allies, after all.
"No," he says, wanting to hear if Kolya is really going to ask him.
"The Genii have always been a proud people. Back in the days of the Confederation, we were able to afford luxuries such as open relationships between two men, without the chance of procreation. But the Wraith made that impossible. But rather than ban the practice, as many worlds did, we agreed to allow it to continue, so long as it did not interfere with duties to the family. Now, the highest regard a man can show his lover is the Bridging – when one man invites another to sire a child with his wife."
John nods. He always knew this was a possibility. He just never expected . . .
"I would like to bestow that honor upon you, John."
John doesn't know what to say. On one hand, he's not ready to be a father. And to ask that of a woman . . . and more importantly, is he even ready for that kind of commitment? Would Elizabeth allow it?
"Um . . . is that okay? I mean, does it matter that I'm not Genii?"
"Then, you would be." Well that answers the question of whether or not Elizabeth would allow it.
"And Marionetta?"
"It is a decision undertaken between husband and wife. She was the one to suggest it. I thought that because you were an offworlder, you would say no."
John smiles wanly. "You're sure it wouldn't be a problem?"
Kolya laughs. "If you had been Genii, I would have asked you long ago. Everyone needs a family, Sheppard. Even you."
That much at least, is true. John thinks about his home, the father he hasn't seen since Afghanistan and the black mark. His mother dead, his ex-wife an alimony check and nothing more, his friends either gone or forgotten. And then there's Atlantis – Elizabeth's friendly joking manner stretched thin above the power struggle beneath. She'd been against the campaign from the beginning. And his team – Stoic Ronon, the guy who never quite fit in, Teyla, warm and motherly, but distant too, in her own way, Zelenka, a great guy, but not the same as . . .
"Yes," John says, crawling up Kolya's body to kiss him soundly. "Of course I'll do it."
Kolya nods, as though he never doubted. "Good. We will plan on two day's from now."
That seems a little soon. But before John can question him, the alarm goes off, a honking glaring sound completely different from the clear ring from Atlantis. Kolya's out of bed in into his clothes before John can even pull his undershirt over his head. Kolya doesn't wait for him, but John yanks his pants on and runs after him barefooted. He couldn't stand to be left in this dark cell-like room all by himself.
Kolya has a head start, but John's fast, skidding to a halt behind him in one of the storage labs. Ladon and Sora are already there, guns raised, warily pointing at a dark figure, silhouetted against the shimmery surface of a mirror. John is quick to raise his own weapon – it's clear the man is armed, now pointing his gun a Kolya.
"He just appeared out of nowhere, Commander," Sora reports, stepping into a flanking position that allows John and Kolya to glimpse the intruder clearly.
"Sheppard? Thank god," the man says, voice high and panicked and so familiar that it makes John's chest ache.
"Rodney?" John can actually feel the blood draining from his face, the hairs on his forearm standing on end. He keeps his gun trained on the man before him, even if his arm is trembling ever so slightly. He's glad of Kolya's solid presence beside him, his gun steady and his eyes focused like a hawk. Seeing Kolya in battle is a pretty astounding thing.
"Sheppard, what the hell is going on here?" Rodney asks, his own weapon still trained on Kolya, though he looks as nervous as Rodney always did.
"I was about to ask you the same thing." John licks his lips, nervous.
"You're supposed be dead," Kolya growls, shooting John a suspicious glance without taking his gun off Rodney.
"You too. Sheppard will you stop pointing the gun at me? I've got him in my sights," in any other situation, John might have laughed at that. "What are you waiting for, Colonel?"
"Rodney, Kolya is my . . ." the Genii word for it is fratya. John might've told someone, a best friend, if he had one. Rodney was the closest thing he'd had. "Look, it's okay. I promise. Just put your weapon down and nobody'll get hurt." John lowers his own gun, stepping forward.
"Sheppard!" Kolya warns.
"It's Rodney. He's not going to hurt me."
Rodney looks panicked, his eyes wide as he stares at Kolya, but he lowers his weapon, letting John step forward and take it out of his hand.
"Lower your weapons," John orders. If they were out on a mission, Sora and Ladon would obey him without question.
Which is why John's surprised by Sora's tentative question, "Commander?"
John turns. "Come on, Kolya. It's McKay. You know he can't hurt a fly."
"Hey," Rodney protests, before John silences him with a glare.
"We don't know who he is or where he came from. I say that's reason enough to be cautious."
"It's a quantum mirror," Rodney supplies. "We've had experiences with these back on Earth. Now, I'm sure if you'd just let me, I could step right back to my own Genii-free reality and have a nice cup of coffee and we can all um . . . laugh about this later. What do you say, eh?"
"I think he is suggesting that he is from another dimension," Ladon remarks.
"Reality. Not dimension. No wonder you're all dying of radiation poisoning. The theory states that there are multiple universes all layered on top of one another, representing all the variety of possible outcomes. The quantum mirror allows for travel between parallel universes. You see, string theory states that . . ."
Kolya nods to a guard, who steps forward and knocks Rodney out, mid-explanation.
"What the hell, Acastus?!" John shouts, already moving forward to try to get to Rodney, even as two soldiers move in to restrain him.
"I know that he was your friend, John. And I would like to trust him, but you must understand that among my people trust is not bought with just a familiar face, especially not when that face was supposed to have exploded with a solar system in a weapons test that your people have still chosen not to share with your most trusted allies."
John sighs, the fight going out of him. Acastus is right. If Rodney appeared in the middle of the Gateroom, he wouldn't have knocked him out, but he'd be under guard until his story was confirmed in the very least.
"He will be taken to our guest quarters for questioning. You should contact Dr. Weir and inform her of this development, after which you will be granted access to the prisoner."
John nods. The quicker his transmission, the quicker he can see Rodney.
The first time John and Kolya make love is after a difficult mission in which John's team ran into Ford and his band of merry men. John had taken to spending increasing amounts of time on the Genii homeworld after strike-force missions. The underground bunkers are dark and dank, but the Genii don't ask questions. They don't stare at him with that pitying look in their eyes and they've never really even seen band-aids before, so if one peaks out from under his black wristband, nobody gives it a second glance. It's a different kind of freedom, a society with a singular purpose – as long as John helps them fight the Wraith, they could care less what he does or what he is.
Kolya finds the small line of cuts almost by accident. "You're not alone in this," he says, and for the first time, John understands his fierce love for Pegasus and its people – there are acts of great brutality and callousness, immeasurable death and destruction, but there is hope too. In the face of a singular enemy, everyone is equal.
Cowen and Kolya spend over an hour alone with Rodney, which is beginning to make John nervous. He's almost read to head back to the Gate and ask Elizabeth what he's authorized to negotiate with when Cowen walks out, heading down the hall without sparing John nearly a glance.
Kolya exits looking flustered and ready to punch something. Only Rodney seemed to be able to bring that out in him.
"Took you long enough," John growls, rising.
"It would have been much less if he had cooperated."
"You knocked him unconscious. You know Rodney. No matter who you are, if you give him a headache he wants you to die a fiery death."
"Well, it is most definitely Dr. McKay. He won't speak to us further until he has a chance to speak with you alone. Make it quick." He smiles, giving John a rough pat on his ass on the way in.
If the Genii "guest quarters" resemble jail cells, it's because that's what they are. The bed is nothing more than a wooden platform covered by a thin stuffed mattress – no springs. The ceiling is unusually high for the complex, with the light and the air vents inset far above where anyone could reach them. Rodney looks small in the space, even as he raises his chin at John in clear defiance. John has missed that look almost more than he can remember missing anything in his life.
"Oh, Sheppard . . . thank god. What are they doing to you? Are you okay? You have an escape plan, right?"
John stares at him, confused. "I'm fine. They're not doing anything to me. And I don't need to escape – I'm free to come and go whenever I want. Rodney, I know this sucks, but you did just turn up in the middle of their secret underground bunker. You know how Acastus is."
"Acastus? Acastus? Sheppard, please tell me your not on a first name basis with the man who . . ." Rodney gulps, looking oddly vulnerable. When Rodney gets upset, his blue eyes are so wide, flooded with compassion. God, it hurts just looking at him, healthy and alive and whole.
"Of course I'm on a first name basis with him, Rodney." But then again, maybe if Rodney's still around in another universe, he and Kolya might not be together. Maybe he and Rodney . . . . "I mean, there's the strike force, right?"
"Strike force? Sheppard, what the hell are you talking about? Kolya tortured me." He rolls up his sleeve, pointing to a thin scar slashed across the bend of his arm. John pulls down at his own shirtsleeve reflexively. "He tried to take over our city! He let a Wraith feed on you!"
Rodney is up then, hand on John's heart, as though trying to simulate the experience.
John stills his questing hand. "Not in this reality, Rodney."
"So you and the Genii made peace? Well, we did too, but not with Kolya . . . is he working with Ladon Radim in this reality?"
"We were never at war."
"Oh. And I'm dead?"
John nods, drinking everything about Rodney in. He knows that this isn't his Rodney. His Rodney is a million particles scattered in an asteroid belt light-years away, but it's good to see him nonetheless.
"How?" Rodney looks timid, even scared.
"Project Arcturus."
Rodney sighs, letting his head fall forward. "But hey, what are you still doing here?"
"What do you mean?"
"In my reality, you were there . . . we just barely got out."
John looks away, trying not to remember how it was afterwards, how he ran until his legs gave out, punched a wall in some deserted corridor somewhere, blew up the whole land of Hallonia in their game and asked himself what would have happened if he'd been there, pulling out the straight razor for the first time since Afghanistan. Maybe cutting himself had never been the right thing, but in a sick way, it's comforting to know that his sense of guilt was justified. Clearly, if he'd been on Doranda instead of out with the strike force, Rodney would still be alive.
"Hey, I'm sure it wasn't your fault you weren't there. In my reality at least, I was pretty insistent. I thought I was infallible. If anything killed me . . . it wasn't you."
"How do you know?"
"I know." Rodney reaches out, laying a hand on John's shoulder. It would be a comforting gesture if there weren't a fresh cut there. John winces, flinching away. It's been a long time since he's let anyone but Kolya and maybe Carson touch him. "Sheppard? What is that?" Before John can stop him, Rodney has pulled back his shirt to reveal Kolya's careful dressing.
"It's nothing."
"It's not nothing. I swear to god, Sheppard, if you had a spear sticking through your gut, you'd try to tell me you're fine. You're not fine. Now tell me where you got that."
"I don't have to tell you anything. You're not my . . ."
"Tell me or I'm not cooperating. Want to wait and see what Kolya will really do to me?"
Fuck. He knows it isn't his Rodney. And he knows that Acastus would never . . . but then again, he's not all that keen see whatever confrontation they do end up with – the two most stubborn people John knows. "Don't worry," he snarls. "It was completely consensual."
"Consensual?" Rodney only spares a moment for confusion. "Oh, that's healthy. I'm supposed to be reassured by the fact that you let some sicko cut you? Have you ever considered Stockholm Syndrome? Because there's no way you of all people can sympathize with fascists who spend their lives in a radioactive underground bunker."
"He doesn't keep me here."
"Who's he?" Rodney stares at him for a moment, before his eyes go wide and terrified. "Kolya? You let Kolya cut you? Fuck . . . Sheppard . . . John, I don't know what kind of batshit insane universe this is, but there's no way that you could possibly . . . . That man is evil! Maybe he likes keeping you as his fucktoy, but trust me, if the situation was different, that sadistic bastard would be cutting information out of you and then jerking off afterwards."
John doesn't know why he gets so mad. His Rodney's called him some pretty awful names before, but the implication that he's just a diplomatic whore? That he has Stockholm Syndrome? Maybe in McKay's wacky version of the universe Kolya is evil, but maybe Weir and Caldwell and Jack O'Neill are too. Maybe there are dancing penguins and unicorns where McKay comes from. But in this universe, John decides who he fucks. And if he likes it rough, it's nobody's business but his own.
"What the hell are you doing? Sheppard, let go of me! Are you crazy? Oh right, this is the universe of the bondage-hoes."
John blinks, realizing that he has Rodney pressed up against the cell wall, hands tangled in his shirt collar. There faces are just inches apart, closer than they'd ever been when Rodney was alive. Close enough to kiss. "I know what I'm doing, McKay. Just cooperate and stay the fuck out of my business and we'll have you out of here in no time."
"And if I don't?" Rodney barks back, somehow unafraid, despite the position. But then again, John's Rodney would never be afraid of him either.
"If you don't then you can see who's right about Kolya firsthand."
McKay's face crumples, folding into a look of anger-tinted fear. For a second, John feels sorry for him. But, Acastus is a good man. It's not as though he'd actually do anything to Rodney. "I'll just go and see what I can do about getting you back to your universe."
But Rodney grabs his arm before he can walk away. "You're not seriously going to leave me alone in a Genii cell."
"Do you want to get out of here or not? Nobody's going to hurt you." John pauses, remembering what happened to Kaneyo – the public square, the sick gleam of the scythe. John still can't bring himself to feel sorry for the man, even if maybe he should. He was a spy and a terrorist. John just wished it had been as painless as the shot Acastus had put between Ford's eyes.
"Just cooperate, okay?" And with that he shakes himself loose, surprised to find Acastus waiting for him at the door.
"John." He doesn't even bother to ask how it went as he places a guiding hand on the small of John's back.
"He's telling the truth. We should let him get back to the mirror. From the reports I read from the SGC, if nobody's touched the control device, he'll be able to go right back to his own reality."
"That's good to know." Kolya pulls open a thick bulkhead door, guiding John back to their quarters. "But will he cooperate?"
In truth, even if he takes John's request to heart, he's still pretty goddamned twitchy. "If we can get him back to Atlantis, he might open up about some things they've learned in their reality, but he's needs to go back."
"Why?"
"Because that's where he belongs," John spits. He'd thought it was readily apparent.
Kolya looks stern. "If he's half as smart as Dr. McKay was, then he belongs here."
"He belongs in his own universe!"
Kolya takes a sudden step forward, hand clamping down on John's bicep like a vice. "You've been here long enough, John. You've seen enough worlds culled. This is more than the Earth wars you tell me about. This is about survival. If we don't use every available asset and take every opportunity, what we must answer to for our negligence is the deaths of countless generations, maybe even the genocide of our people! I thought you understood that."
"What about his people? What about his Atlantis?" What about the other John Sheppard out there somewhere that will have to lose his own Rodney? "The Wraith are there too. For all you know they're at a turning point right now! How do you answer to those people?"
"They're not my people."
"That doesn't make them . . ."
"They're not yours either."
"Acastus . . ."
Kolya cups his face, leans in and brushes a kiss against his lips. "It's beyond my power, Sheppard. Cowen has the final word."
"You could release him."
Kolya's eyes go hard. His hand stings on John's cheek. "I am not a traitor to my people, John. Don't forget it."
John nods. He deserved that. "I understand. But you'll try?"
Acastus sighs. "Cowen worries that you have too much influence over me." He kisses John again, chaste and tender this time.
John smiles, though the sting of the slap stays on his skin like a shiver. "That's not a bad thing."
"Of course not, in your opinion."
John shrugs.
"I'll see what I can do. But no promises, okay?"
John nods, jumping a little when Kolya cups his ass on the way out. "Go wait with Marionetta in the villa. She just radioed informing me that she has entered the ideal period for fertilization. I will return shortly."
The last time John sees Rodney he's in his lab, excited and bent over a schematic. They don't get to see each other as much anymore, with Rodney heading up the team of researchers and John spending most of his time with the strike force. He's been hoping to drag his friend away to lunch or maybe a round of Ancient Civilization, but Rodney is too excited by whatever he is that they just found on the planet called Doranda. He grabs the sandwich John's brought him, waves his hand and says, "Very important work. Have fun blowing up another hive ship. Tell Ladon he's an incompetent Neanderthal for me."
The first time John sees Doranda is from the bridge of the Daedalus. There's nothing left but a field of meteors and unexplained exotic particles. Rodney and half the physics department are nowhere to be found.
John takes one last sniff of his armpit, hoping that he's managed to wash off the stench of sex. Beside him, Tyrus raises his eyebrows in question. "Did the Bridging ceremony not go well?"
"What? Is there no such thing as privacy around here?"
Tyrus shrugs. "It's not a very large bunker."
John laughs, used to the rough edges of Genii humor by now. "It went well." Though John was still a little mad at Acastus and the Rodney situation meant that they were in a rush, Kolya still took the time to strip him tenderly, kissing every scar, even the self-inflicted ones, before bending him over an rimming him, fucking John down into his own wife's body and her strangely-contented smile.
Tyrus smirks at the way John gets lost in the memories. "I am glad. There are those that do not approve of such a union with an offworlder, but you are a good man, John Sheppard. You have my support."
On the other hand, the stiff formality of the Genii military corps still takes some getting used to. "Um . . . Thanks, Tyrus. That means a lot."
Tyrus nods once, unlocking the cell door. "After you."
Rodney stands the second John enters the room. What little hair he has left is sticking up in disarray, and his eyes are wide and worried.
"Relax, McKay. Everything's fine. Acastus is talking to Cowen. And if all else fails, I can always get the Olesians and the Tol onside. We can try this diplomatically."
"The Olesians! The Olesians! I doubt I'll be seeing any sympathy from the people who deliberately feed their own to the Wraith!"
"What do you mean, Rodney? The Olesians are among our most trusted allies. They're housing the . . . ‘byproducts' of our retrovirus experiments, even though they are relatively unbothered by the Wraith."
"Relatively unbothered! The Magistrate made a deal with the Wraith. They send their criminals to an island with the Stargate, so that the rest of the population will be left unharmed."
"Well, they are criminals, Rodney."
"And sometimes their only crime is objection. Or maybe just looking healthy and appetizing!"
"Rodney . . ."
"And the Tol? Have you ever met a Tol who didn't wear one of those silver collars?"
John shakes his head. He's always thought the collars had been a little excessive.
"No, of course not. Because they have their tongues cut out as children and live as servants before they're fed to the Wraith at the next culling. Caste system's a bitch like that."
"Rodney, I understand that in your reality . . ."
"No!" Rodney stands, pushing a finger into John's chest. "John, I understand that things might not be exactly the same. It's not called an alternate reality for nothing, but things turn out the way they do for a reason and its unlikely that civilizations can stay mostly the way we remember them without their defining (if evil) characteristics. If you know for a fact that what I'm saying isn't true here, then maybe it isn't. But if it is . . ."
The thing is, John has no clue. Kolya met the Olesians on one of the undiscovered addresses that Elizabeth traded to the Genii for their second-year harvest. The Tol were a discovery of the spy network. It was Leader Negal herself that caught the raiding party, the one that lead Kolya and the strike force to Ford's hideout. In a way, he has her to thank for his rescue. But surely, he didn't allow that to cloud his judgment.
"Rodney, look, I want to help you, but you're making it hard for me. If Cowen hears you questioning our allies, it's going to make the diplomatic end of things a lot harder."
Rodney snorts. "Since when are you of all people a diplomat? Tell Elizabeth to get me out of here. And where's Teyla? Ronon?"
"Back on Atlantis. This isn't a mission, Rodney."
"Oh, right, sorry to interrupt your interplanetary booty-call, but Sheppard . . . seriously, John, just . . . I know I'm right about this. Take a closer look at your so-called allies and then see how you feel about leaving me in the hands of these people. Trust me on this. Please."
John's skeptical, of course, but now that Rodney brings it up, it is rather strange that the Olesians were so eager to take the results of their bioweapons testing in. "I'll think about it."
Kolya has always been the stronger one of the two of them. When the spy network finally tracked the Brotherhood of the Fifteen down on a supposedly uninhabited planet on the edge of the galaxy, Kolya was the one to slit Alina's throat for her betrayal. After Rodney's death, John was nearly inconsolable – burning a village of Wraith Worshipers to the ground like some twisted angel of death, but Kolya stood by his side and calmed him, leading him back to the Gate and to his villa, where he spanked all of the destruction out of John so hard that he couldn't sit for a week.
Because if Kolya's heart is cold like a warrior's, John's is twisted and black and so sick that no matter who he tries to save, he always makes things worse, from Afghanistan, to waking the Wraith, to the destruction on Hoth, to the team of fifteen Marines on training exercises that he took to a planet with a psycho-making Wraith device and proceeded to execute. Even Rodney couldn't escape the curse that is having John Sheppard love you.
It's been three days since they found Rodney in the mirror room, and despite the offer of nearly a whole Daedalus shipment of C4, Cowen is not willing to negotiate his release. Elizabeth's radio messages are becoming increasingly frustrated until she finally just tells John that she expects him to use his influence if he wants to be a good Samaritan and send this Rodney back – there's only so much that they can afford to offer for something that gets their Atlantis nothing.
John grimaces, not stripping off all his clothes to wait for Acastus as he promised he would. If he knows one thing about Acastus, it's that once he's made up his mind, he's made it. He'll listen to arguments and come to a reasonable compromise, but he hates having the same conversation twice. Unfortunately, John's just going to have to risk it.
By the scowl on his face, John can already tell that this is not going to go over well.
"I thought I told you to be naked," Kolya snaps, striding up to John and yanking at his shirt.
John slaps his hands away. Though he usually acquiesces, he can hold his own against Kolya in a real fight. "And I thought you told me that you'd talk to Cowen about sending McKay back."
Acastus stops dead in his tacks, eyes narrowing. "Why do you care so much? He's not your McKay."
"He doesn't have to be! Look, he doesn't deserve to be pushed around by you guys. Can't you see that he's terrified? In his reality, you and I are enemies. I . . . killed you." John still can't wrap his mind around it. If he didn't see the abject fear in Rodney's eyes, then he wouldn't have even believed it.
Kolya's expression softens at that, leaning in to cup John's cheek. "And in this reality?"
"You know I never would."
Acastus leans in to kiss him. "I know."
But John's not done yet. "He says that you tortured me." He doesn't mention how. It's too gruesome to even think about.
Kolya sighs, sitting down on the bed and pulling John into his lap. "If you had been my enemy and it was vital to the survival of my people, I would have." John tenses at that, but finds himself as impressed by the honesty of it as the first time Acastus talked about necessary sacrifices. "But you're not my enemy. And you know that I would never hurt you."
A voice in John's head – one that reminds him oddly of Rodney – asks him to remember the wounds scabbing at the juncture of his elbow, in the exact same place as Rodney's scar.
He narrows his eyes. "What's the Olesian homeworld like?"
Kolya shrugs, his grip on John's waist almost painfully tight. "Advanced. Pristine. They keep the Gate on an island with a prison on it – where we're keeping your test subjects. That way, when they Wraith come through, they kill the bad elements first. It's an interesting system."
John stands at that. "And how do you know that the people on the island are guilty?"
"The government says they are," Kolya is frustrated now, grabbing John hard by he wrist and yanking him back down onto the bed. "Come on, John. We've just gone through the bridging ceremony and I want to celebrate."
"Maybe I don't want to," John replies sullenly, thinking about Rodney sad and alone in a cell.
"You don't mean that," Kolya growls, yanking John against him in a possessive, almost violent kiss. "Unless, of course, you'd rather be with McKay than me." The tight grip on John's arm makes it clear what Acastus thinks of that.
If Rodney were alive, maybe, but the guy in the holding cell is a poor substitute at best, and Acastus has given John all the things he never thought he deserved – a home, a family, the kind of desperate possessive love that John thought was only a thing of fiction.
"Nobody else understands you like I do," Kolya whispers, shifting John in his lap until he's straddling him.
It's true, John thinks, as he leans down to kiss Kolya, almost on autopilot. Not even Rodney could understand this.
John would be concerned about ‘Don't Ask, Don't Tell,' except he just doesn't care anymore. If Caldwell wants his job, he can have it. With and open secret like him and Kolya it's clear that Caldwell doesn't even want it. He's content to take over more of John's supervisory work on Atlantis when he's in town, including dealing with what's left of the physics department and ferrying Ancient tech back and forth between Pegasus and Earth. He's strangely knowledgeable about it, actually.
The thing is – nobody wants John's job, just like nobody wanted to be sent to Vietnam in the later years of the War. He's fighting an uphill battle against a much larger force and sometimes he has to burn down the village to destroy it. He still stays up late at night thinking about the number of humans on the hive ships they've destroyed, the cullings they've watched, waiting for their chance to act, the way they plant the survivors of Hoth like pipe bombs among healthy populations, or that time with the sarin gas (after the Genii discovered the veritable buffet of WMDs available to the US military) and the masses of bodies the Wraith drained in order to survive it. In truth, John's hands are as dirty as anyone's in this galaxy. The sad part is, he'd only ever joined the military to fly, nothing more.
When John next goes to visit Rodney, the cell is empty. He almost has a heart attack. He radios Kolya almost immediately, but is surprised to get no response. Kolya never goes off world without letting John know, even if it's a real emergency.
"Where's Kolya?" John asks Sora as she passes him in the hallway. "Where's McKay?"
She doesn't meet his eyes. "Cowen ordered them to one of our offworld sites. Maybe for testing some technology?"
"Do you know where?"
Sora winces, looking both ways down the corridor before whispering, "Site 34. I don't know the address." After she rushes off, John is left wondering what the hell just happened.
John nods, forcing himself to walk instead of run down the corridor to the surface. He has a very bad feeling about this. He trusts Acastus, but Cowen has always expressed his misgivings about the alliance. And Kolya would never betray the Genii.
Nobody gives John so much as a second look at he makes his way towards the surface. He's glad, because if anyone took the time to really take in the sweat dripping down his brow and the troubled frown on his face, they'd detain him within seconds. When he's finally on the surface and out of site of the bunker entrance, he takes off at a run for the large farm house two hills over.
As he expects, Marionetta is waiting there, curled up on a chaise lounge and looking mildly like Scarlet O'Hara. John is careful to keep images of a night ago out of his mind when she turns and smiles at him. "John, good to see you. Is there anything I can do for you? Water, perhaps? You look as though you've been exerting yourself."
"Do you know anything about Site 34," John blurts out, anxious.
Marionetta frowns. "Acastus has spent a significant amount of time there. Maybe it's a training arena. He keeps a list of the addresses up in the study – coded of course."
John makes a run for the stairs, Marionetta trailing behind him. "Not a problem." If the Genii knew how ridiculously easy their code would be to break with anything approaching a supercomputer, then they wouldn't bother to leave anything written down.
He's almost at the study door when a small hand on his arm stops him. "John. What are you doing?"
"Look, I don' know if he told you, but we found a man. A man from Atlantis, but in another universe."
She blinks at him, confused.
"Look, what's important is that this man doesn't belong here, but helping his own people to fight. Cowen wants to keep him against his will because he's very intelligent and I don't know what he's going to do to him to make him cooperate, but I really need to get to him and find out."
"You don't think that Acastus would . . ." And yet, even she sounds doubtful.
John thinks about their conversation last night and how they spoke of torture. If you had been my enemy and it was vital to the survival of my people, I would have. "I don't know."
Marionetta gives him a long hard stare. "You're sure that this is the right thing to do?" she asks, hands shaking as she reaches out for reassurance.
John nods, relieved when she retrieves a piece of paper from the inside of one of the many books that line the walls of the study. It's only a matter of time before John has the address and is walking towards the door.
"John. I know that it's not likely to sway you, but you have to know that Acastus is not a very forgiving man. And the Genii people do not react well when betrayed. He . . ." she stutters, looking down at the hands she keeps clasped firmly in her lap. "He loves you so much. If you do this, I do not know what will happen."
John nods, feeling a familiar, though almost-forgotten thrill run through him. It's reckless and who knows how it'll turn out, but it's the right thing to do. He's been lost for a long time, and suddenly his path is lit and clear.
"Goodbye, Marionetta," he whispers, hugging her briefly before disappearing out the door.
The first time John meets Marionetta is after the culling. Her hair is mussed and she smells of sweat, maybe fear. But there's a proud tilt to her spine, a defiance in her clear blue eyes that reminds him of Rodney. She pushes her hair back from her face and reaches out to take his hand. "Thank you," she says, as though she knows how John had begged Cowen to allow an evacuation to Atlantis, how he had struggled against Kolya, hidden down in the bunker when the darts buzzed over the surface above their heads.
"You don't think I understand the price, Sheppard?" Kolya had shouted. "My wife and my children are up there too! Our people are committed to this!"
It was then that John leaned back against him, the fight turned to resentful despair. It isn't until he meets Marionetta that he understands – this is their cross to bear, and those that grew up without the constant specter of the Wraith have no right to question it.
It isn't hard to break into the compound. The guards at the entrance let him in without blinking after a hasty explanation about urgent strike force business. It's not until he hears the screams that John has to shoot anybody – they also make Rodney easy to find in the labyrinthine maze that is any Genii base.
"Please, don't . . . please, I saw what this did to Sheppard. I'll cooperate. Fuck, I'll cooperate." The voice almost breaks John, but he forces himself to calm, jumping into the room and stunning the two guards and a . . . Wraith, on sight. Jesus. Rodney wasn't lying when he told John about Genii torture methods.
"John?" Kolya has his weapon drawn, looking to Cowen for guidance. "What are you doing?" He sounds angry, but not yet betrayed.
"This is wrong, Acastus, and you know it. Just . . . let him go back through the mirror. You don't have to do this." John doesn't want to have to do this either – he and Kolya were never meant to be on different sides, but suddenly he understands how in a universe he could have killed a man that he cares so much for in this one – there are things that are bigger than the two of them, and in the end the only true value they share may be the need to fight for the things you believe in, no matter if the world falls down around you.
Acastus looks regretful for a second before the anger bleeds through. "You have no right to tell me what I do and do not have to do, Sheppard. You are not from here and this will never be your war and I can tell by the fact that you're standing here pointing a gun and me and defending a stranger from a whole different universe instead of the people who have shown you nothing but hospitality and trust, that you do not belong in the Genii family. You never did. Even if I may have wished it."
Kolya is quick on the trigger, but John is quicker, getting off a stunner blast and managing to turn so that the bullet only stings a sharp line across his bicep. Cowen goes down next, without a thought. He wonders if he will be a true enemy now – if Acastus will hunt him down like Rodney said that another universe's Kolya did, but as hardened as this war has made him, he cannot pull the trigger.
"Thank god you finally came to your senses," Rodney babbles gratefully as John reaches down to untie him (after emptying both Cowen and Kolya's weapons into the Wraith). "Though why you had to wait until after they've irreparably exacerbated my carpel tunnel with these ridiculous bindings . . ."
John just smiles, punching Rodney in the shoulder. "And to think I missed you, McKay."
John thinks that he and Rodney might have had something once, when Rodney let John shoot him while wearing the personal shield, or when he saved John from the 10,000 year-old super-Wraith. Rodney was smart and funny, and attractive in his own Rodney way, and John relished in the times he got to spend alone with him, exploring the city or activating things in the labs or on the few first-contact missions John had time for between strike force operations.
In fact, Rodney even seemed to like John well enough – excitedly seeking him out whenever he'd found anything particularly interesting, or inviting him to watch movies and play chess. But the fact of the matter was that John always made sure that Rodney saw him when he was at his best, not what he did on strike force missions or the immediate aftermath. Rodney only saw John when he'd washed the blood away and put the friendly mask back on. If Rodney ever knew the real John, there's no way he could have wanted to sit across from him at breakfast, let alone love him.
The mirror is a shimmering surface behind them and John has no idea how he's going to get out of this bunker or the political turmoil he's sure to have left in his wake. They've been on this slippery slope for so long that they've convinced themselves it's flat, and he's not sure how they'll recover. But he's been raised to believe that some things are always right and some are always wrong and what he's seen today is enough to show him that the differences run too deep and even if it might be strategically to their advantage to join forces with the Genii, they cannot, for a second, think that their two peoples could become friends, let alone family. Acastus was right about that, at least.
"Hey," Rodney reaches out to him, except it's not Rodney. Rodney is dead and in a second John's going to lose this one two. "You did the right thing."
"Kolya . . ."
Rodney chuckles, cupping John's cheek and placing a chaste kiss on his lips. "John, no matter what universe, no matter what you've done or haven't done, you will always deserve better."
And with that he touches the mirror. With nothing more than a flash, he's gone.
FIN