Lieutenant Aiden Ford was annoyed. He was very annoyed. And hot. And his arms itched.

"This isn't fair," he complained.

"To the Ephebans it is," Teyla said patiently. She was always so patient - infuriatingly so.

Aiden pouted, crossing his arms over his chest in an attempt not to scratch at the ever increasing itch. "What do they know?"

He was whining like a spoiled child and he knew it, but this just wasn't right.

"It is their way and if we wish to trade with them, we will respect that," Teyla chided. He liked her well enough, when she wasn't handing him his ass with the twirly stick thingies, but she was starting to sound like Mrs. Stephenson, his third grade teacher, the one with the bright pink lipstick always stuck to her teeth.

"Well, their way sucks."

Teyla just looked at him askew, the way she did when any normal human would've rolled their eyes.

"Language, Ford," Major Sheppard called over his shoulder. Aiden was surprised he wasn't too busy grabbing Dr. McKay's ass to listen in. "I can't tell Dr. Weir that I raised both an exhibitionist and a potty-mouth, now can I?"

Dr. McKay snickered and slapped Major Sheppard on the butt. It was strange... too strange and unnatural. Aiden had known about Major Sheppard and Dr. McKay for a while now, though he was one of the few that did. The major knew that Aiden knew, but the regs prevented them from every discussing it, which was fine by Aiden, because that was one awkward conversation he never wanted to have. Whatever the major and Dr. McKay did on their own time was none of Aiden's business and definitely none of the military's - especially considering that the Major was a damned good officer regardless.

But still... no good soldier should ever have to see his CO give another man that kind of look. Aiden tried to look away, but it was like a car accident: so disgusting you had to keep looking. Luckily for him, Minister Kilia said something diplomatic or something like that so Major Sheppard and Dr. McKay were forced to stop undressing each other with their eyes in order to respond.

"I don't get it," Aiden moaned. "I get arrested for public indecency for this, but you're wearing that..." Teyla got that 'don't go there or I'll beat you' look on her face so Aiden decided not to say 'hippie-bondage shirt.' "So I'm considered a pervert but Major Sheppard and Dr. McKay groping each other in public is perfectly okay."

Teyla frowned. "I do not see anything wrong with Major Sheppard demonstrating the true affection he feels for the doctor in the Ephebian way. I do not believe many among your military would be brave enough to do the same." Teyla sounded truly disapproving. She just didn't get it.

"Yeah, because friendship is why Dr. McKay has had his hand in Major Sheppard's back pocked for the last five minutes..." Aiden rolled his eyes.

Teyla frowned more, of course. "Why else would he be doing so?" Aiden could never tell if Teyla was teasing him or if she really didn't know. But if her mom hadn't explained the birds and the bees, Aiden certainly wasn't going to.

"Um..." he flushed.

"Besides, if they were not showing friendship in such a way, I fear our hosts would think that they might hurt each other." Aiden could see that, at least. These people were backwards sexually repressed hicks, after all. They wouldn't get that the bickering was all just flirtation.

"I suppose..."

Major Sheppard pulled Dr. McKay closer and whispered something in his ear that caused the doc to stop dead in his tracks.

Aiden groaned. And his arms still itched.

Dr. Elizabeth Weir stood on the causeway between her office and the control room, surveying her domain. It was a good day. Major Sheppard had radioed half an hour ago saying that they had finalized the trade agreement with the Ephebians. That meant more tava beans and some root that tasted really close to coffee, though without the kick, unfortunately. The team was just waiting for the first shipment before heading back. Major Sheppard seemed almost reluctant to return, which had Elizabeth curious for the briefing. Everything seemed to be going well - too well for any team that had both Major Sheppard and Dr. McKay on it.

Of course, there had been Sheppard's mention of a 'minor incident' which for that man could mean anything from 'I shot Dr. McKay' to 'one of the diplomats sneezed and I dropped the ceremonial hanky.' She wouldn't relax until she saw the whole team back safe.

Then the wormhole engaged and John and Rodney stepped through, walking shoulder to shoulder and wearing matching grins on their faces. A few crates followed soon after. Elizabeth descended the steps to the gateroom floor eagerly.

"Gentlemen. May I ask what has you too so giddy?" With John and Rodney, grins like that could spell trouble of the 'sorry, Mom, I accidentally blew up the house' proportions. "Or do I want to know?"

The two troublemakers exchanged a significant but indecipherable glance.

"Ford got arrested for public indecency," Rodney sing-songed. Sheppard just smirked and nodded.

Elizabeth's eyebrows climbed up into her hairline as she looked over the major's shoulder for signs of his young lieutenant. Of course, she trusted that Rodney wouldn't be joking about it if there were any true cause for concern.

A few seconds later Ford and Teyla came through with the last of the crates and the wormhole disengaged.

Elizabeth couldn't stop herself from staring, though she somehow managed to not laugh - just barely.

"Lieutenant... I like your..." she heard Peter snickering behind her, ". . . parka?" That was the closest approximation of the huge hairy jacket Ford wore. It was braided with technicolor beads handing off the fringes. Someone must have killed a llama to make the thing, though by the smell of it, it might've been a whole heard.

Ford scowled, shucking the coat to reveal red welts covering the length of his well-muscled arm. If distracting was the measure of decency, then Elizabeth supposed she might've considered those toned biceps to be indecent herself.

Sheppard at least tried to act concerned. "Maybe you should see Beckett about that."

Rodney pretended to possess no such tact. "I think we should call it 'planet indecency.'"

Sheppard grinned. "I think that's an excellent idea, Rodney."

Ford looked murderous. "I though we weren't naming them."

"Oh, I think we can make and exception this once."

The second the door closed behind him, John heaved a forlorn sigh, flopping back onto his narrow bunk. Rodney collapsed beside him, reaching out to grab his hand, holding it against his belly as he stroked the palm. John's hands were always cold and Rodney always had the desire to warm them up, but today had been a brief exception to the normal rule. "I think 'planet decency' would've been more appropriate," he said.

Rodney felt John nod against the mattress before he rolled over to rest his head on Rodney's shoulder.

"This isn't fair," John said.

And Rodney couldn't argue, because it wasn't. They shouldn't get a taste of what it was like to just be together openly (even if the Ephebians thought it was just friendship) for a single day only to have it taken away the next. "Don't ask, don't tell sucks," was all Rodney said.

John didn't respond, just pulled Rodney closer and began to nibble on his neck, stroking his hands beneath Rodney's t-shirt. Rodney brought his hand up to caress John's back. "Today was nice though."

"Yeah, it was." John sighed and snuggled closer.

FIN